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I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. The days of playing house on Jackson Ave always included me being the mom. I am the first one to steal a baby at a picnic. You can usually find me playing with the kids at any function. One of the things that absolutely kills me is that our inability to start a family is my fault. Granted, I didn't ask for bum fallopian tubes and shotty ovaries. 

I remember waiting for the results of his semen analysis, secretly hoping that maybe he had a problem.  When I told him that his swimmers were normal, he scooped me into a hug and told me that he was hoping something was wrong with him too.

So in all this posting and craziness, my husband pointed out that I used "me" or "I" in a ton of my posting instead of "we".   I want to just set the record straight.

Without my husband, I would have totally lost it by now.  He has been my rock.  My best friend.  He has supported me on my good days and loved me on my bad days. (which I have had my share)  I have never felt alone in all of this and love him more today than I did when I married him almost 3 years ago - 8/14/10.

3, 2, 1, 0

 

The definition of infertility is the biological inability to conceive a child.  Most people don’t know that I have conceived.   Multiple times.  3 times in fact and it’s been 4 years of trying just to get that far.

I wanted to explain our journey to parenthood thus far because we have come to a crossroads. 

 

3 pregnancies, 2 ectopics, 1 tube, 0 children.

 

 

#1  – This one was classified as a miscarriage. 

We decided to start trying but knew that I had issues with ovulation.  A quick prescription from my OBGYN and problem solved.  We tried that month and wouldn’t you know, pregnant!  I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to tell Michael.  I ran out and bought a little onesie that said, “My daddy is an asshole” and decided that giving it to him would be the way to tell him we were pregnant.  We hugged and cried in the kitchen, so excited that we were going to start a family.   I was blissfully and knowingly pregnant for about 3 days before our dream came crashing down.

 

#2 – This one was an ectopic pregnancy,  For those who do not know what an ectopic pregnancy is, it is a pregnancy that is not in the uterus.  In this case, it was my right fallopian tube.

I went to see my OBGYN for the quick prescription and was waiting for my monthly cycle to get started.   When it never showed, I decided to take a test, at work, in the bathroom.  (Keeping it classy!!!)    It was positive.  We didn’t even try!  I called Michael immediately, excited but based on our history, not too excited.  I had blood draws done and I was indeed pregnant!  I enjoyed it for a couple days before I started bleeding.  I called the OBGYN who sent me for blood work and scheduled an appointment for me to come in and talk. I received the phone call that I was miscarrying again. I would have another blood draw done (prior to the appointment) to make sure my levels dropped to a “non pregnant” range.  I arrived for my appointment, armed with so many questions.  Should we have additional testing done? Why is this happening?  You know what I got instead?  Still pregnant.   My levels were RISING. The next week was a whirlwind of blood tests and ultrasounds and trying to remain a little hopeful that maybe we had a fighter in there...  The last ultrasound showed, in my right tube, a little sac.  The pregnancy.  Not where it should be.  I was immediately sent over to the Women’s Hospital to receive an injection of a chemotherapy drug called Methotrexate.  This drug essentially depletes you of folic acid and breaks down the pregnancy. 

The thing about an ectopic is that they can kill you.  Legit, kill you.  They can rupture your fallopian tube, you bleed internally, and you can die. Well, obviously I didn’t die.  The drug did its job.

#3 – THREE MONTHS LATER.   (Yes, three.) We had to wait 3 months to start trying again. 3 months rolled around and I found myself pregnant.  AGAIN.  Well now after everything that has happened, excitement is nowhere near the dominant emotion you feel, it’s fear.  I call the doctor and tell them I need blood work NOW. 

For those of you who think they have bad luck, think again.  This pregnancy… was an ectopic…in my LEFT fallopian tube.  WTF.  How do I get a right tube ectopic and turn around and get a left tube ectopic?  This one wasn’t so easy to treat either.  It was bigger and the methotrexate didn’t work.  I was starting to rupture and underwent surgery Leap Day 2012 to remove my entire left tube, pregnancy and all. 

 

So what do you do after this?  I sure as hell didn’t know. 

The first specialist we saw ran tests, blood work, an ultrasound and a test called an HSG, the HSG showed that my right only remaining tube was not blocked and didn’t show anything abnormal.  We decided to try one more time and started the quick prescription drug again, introducing a new twist called an HCG trigger shot which I had to inject into my abdomen. The thing that sucked big time was I am now down a tube, which means, if you don’t ovulate on the side with the tube, you essentially have a snowball’s chance in hell in achieving a pregnancy.  I did 5 cycles and only 2 times ovulated on my right side. No pregnancy.  Back to square one.

 We went to a new doctor in June this year; this one is basically a legend.  Michael called him the “Sheldon Cooper” of baby doctors. He has given us a 30% chance of a successful pregnancy on our own. Uh not what I wanted to hear.

Invitro fertilization (IVF) is the process where a woman’s eggs are fertilized by a man’s sperm, outside of the womb.  A petri dish baby if you will.  The cost for IVF -  $10,000 (plus medications which is $3,000 to $5,000) and here is the kicker, insurance doesn’t have to cover assisted reproductive technologies.  Mine doesn’t, and neither does Michael’s.  The most scary part about spending all that money is that there is no guarantee. If it worked, and we had a baby, believe me, every PENNY of that money would be well spent but it's terrifying to not know if it will work or not.  Dr. Cooper (haha) believes we have an excellent chance of success, at least 50% probably higher, which is better than 30% I suppose.

 

  We have some pretty fantastic friends that have offered to start collecting donations to help us pay for it. 

 

“$10.00  1000 PEOPLE  100 DAYS” aka $10,000 (I had to use a calculator)

But in true Yosten fashion, we don’t want this to just benefit us.  Everything we receive, we pledge to give 25% of it to a 501(c) 3 organization called New Blossoms New Life Foundation  (www.newblossomsnewlife.org).   This foundation helps couples just like us in Erie, Crawford and Warren county pay to start a family.  They do fundraisers every year and usually select multiple couples to receive the grant to pay for IVF.  Our goal is to raise $10,000, enough to pay for a lot of our treatment and with donating to New Blossoms; you all have the opportunity to help a stranger with their journey to parenthood.

$10.00

1000 People.

100 Days.

 

I think we can do it.  Or atleast I hope we can.